I Have You Now!


Mysterious. Elusive. Powerful. Captivating. Those are just a few of the words I've used to describe the infamous Captain Phasma, from Disney's upcoming Star Wars: The Force Awakens. From the roughly 6.3 seconds of screen time she's been given in the various trailers, Phasma remains an enigma. We know - or at least we think we know - she's an elite Stormtrooper of the First Order, and she appears to be, um, "mission-minded," to say the least.

But just as her on-screen character remains elusive, so does the collectible version of the chrome-armored warrior. Disappearing off shelves and online quicker than food on Jabba's plate, every incarnation of Phasma gets snatched up before I can catch her on a peg, or in cyberspace (save for the dirtbags that are peddling her on Amazon and eBay for three-times her retail value). In fact, Disney's Elite Series has become my proverbial "white whale" - causing increasing frustration, hair loss, and the occasional creative, but profanity-latent exclamation. At least that was the case until this today...

As I walked to lunch this morning, and the autumn sun warmed my face, I heard the distinct text alert from Jeremy. Much like a Wookee, and typically thinking with my stomach, I almost dismissed the sound. Instead, I gave a cursory glance at the text: "Phasma is available on Disney Store." It took a moment for the text to register in my brain - partly because I had checked the store earlier in the day (like I have everyday since the original launch date) with no sign of her. As it sunk in, neurons fired and my pace quickened. I broke out into a sprint. OK, it was more like a solid trot, but at this age it felt like sprinting. Quickly, I caught up to Tyler, and as I passed him I muttered something like, "Jeremy texted. She's available!" (Notice I didn't even have to mention her name. It was understood, like a math formula: Her = Phasma = Happiness).

Tyler abruptly ended his conversation with a colleague and the two of us jogged to the nearest computer, Tyler worriedly realizing he didn't have his wallet with him.

"I got you," I said.

"But we can only buy one at a time," he said.

"Then we'll make two purchases!" I exclaimed. "C'mon! We've go to get her!" (Interestingly, at no point during this process did I think my actions as a professional in his mid-40s seem the least bit out of place).

D StoreThe time for the computer to come out of sleep mode seemed like an eternity, and as my fingers typed more quickly than my brain processed, I misspelled Disney more than once. When we finally got onto the store, I typed "elite" into search box, pushed Enter, and held my breath...

Then, she appeared. Still, fearful at getting Disney's obnoxious "Gorsh!" error, I worried that there weren't any units still available. So, I nervously clicked the "Add to Bag" button and waited. When the "My Bag" icon indicated she had been added, it was a race to fill-out the billing and shipping info, so we could place a second order.

And, now, feeling vindicated and warm and tingly inside, I await her arrival - and hope that JJ doesn't kill her off in the film's opening act...

What about you? What collectible or merch has been eluding you? Share your story below!



P.S. Alejandro is incorrect.

P.P.S. #orphasmic