by Matthew Keegan

Category: Short Story

Bespin Carbon Freezing Chamber:

“What if he doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to me.” “The Empire will compensate you if he dies. Put him in.” Fzzzzzzz clunk “Well Calrissian, did he survive?” “Nope.”


“Imperial Insurance, Compensation and Claims. How may I direct your call?” “Yeah, uhh, hi. My name is Boba Fett. I want to collect some compensation that I have owing.” “Please hold.”

Hold muzak...

“Hi, this is compensations. My name is Trevor. How can I help you today?” “Hi. I'm Boba. I want to talk to someone about collecting some compensation.” “Hi, Boba. Just letting you know that this conversation is being recorded for training and interrogation purposes. Are you fine with that?” “Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, so what compensation are we helping you with today?”

“I'm a bounty hunter and my bounty was accidentally killed by Darth Vader and he promised me some compensation.”

“Okay, Boba. I'm going to have to put you through to a colleague of mine that handles the bounty hunter files. Please hold.”

Hold muzak...

“Hello this is Alice. You're calling in regards to a bounty claim?”

“No, I don't want to claim. I'm not bringing someone in. I want compensation for a lost bounty.”

“Sir, if you lost your bounty...”

“No, I didn't loose my bounty. Vader killed him.” “And how much was this bounty for?” “The bounty was worth twenty thousand.” “Oh, okay. Sorry, but I can only handle payments up to ten thousand credits. Let me transfer you to my supervisor who can handle the larger claims. Please hold.” *sigh...*

Hold muzak. Again.

“Hello, sir. My name is Tina. Alice tells me you are chasing a twenty thousand credit compensation. Do you have a reference number or a job code number?”


“It'll be a ten digit number either starting with the numbers one one three eight or triple zero seven three dash one.”

“No, I've got nothing.” “Nothing to formally indicate any sort of compensation was owing?” “I've got a recording of the conversation.” “I'm sorry, sir. Recordings can be altered or faked. We need something with Lord Vader's signature on it or something from his office.” “His office?!”

“Do you have something from his office?” “I didn't know he had an office!” “We deal with them all the time. Would Cheryl have a record of this?” “Who the hell's Cheryl?!” “Cheryl is Lord Vader's secretary.” “Vader has a secretary??!!” “Of course. He has an extensive clerical team. It takes a lot of people to assist him with his job.” “I don't believe this.”

“I'm sorry but without an order we can't make any payments.” “But Vader promised me compensation.” “Yeah, we get that all the time. You're our third claimant today declaring Lord Vader promised them something. Next time get a confirmation letter from Cheryl. Good day.” “GODDAMNIT!!!”

The End